Thursday, May 13, 2010

Light Switch

Action is all around us its in everything that we do and posses. Every thought, emotion, activity or words are used as expression to find individual worth. Every action has a reaction and a consequence. Most people can be classified into categories. Our brains naturally look for patters in everything as a way to sort and retain information. We as individuals have a tendency to place others in our own specific categories as a way to protect our self . These grouping may hinder growth but they also enable us to live life in a functioning in a way until we can let others in.
In a way we all fall into individual categories in our own lives. There are those of us who fall into the category of the watchers these people tend to be reserved and don't desire the constant attention of the world. There are those who are shifters who are viewed as having low self esteem and never have an opinion of their own but rely on the strength of others. There are those who are Jokers, sarcastic and come off to many as the ones you need to keep an eye on.
There are so many different classifications of individual to list them all. We place individuals into these grouping based on our personal life experiences and what we have come to learn about set individuals. Is this process of selection and categorization acceptable? Most likely not,but it all comes down to one factor TRUST. Trust is what we all are seeking, in the constant search for that one person that we can rely on and feel truly understands us; as well as accepts us as individuals. Some time I think we put to must trust in one individual creating a ideal person of who we want them to be, instead of accepting the reality of who they really are.
I feel in my own life the moment I began to put the walls down and let someone in they demonstrate exactly why I can not trust them. Once again forcing me to stereotype all new individuals that enter into my life. Has anyone you ever loved betrayed you? Or done something so painful and hurtful you don't even know where to begin pick up the pieces to trust them. Let alone allow your self trust some one else. The thing with trust it in involves vulnerability. We as humans like to pretend were strong and independent and letting someone in only to have them hurt you is life changing.
I guess the point to this is we all categorize even if its not always right we do it. But honestly what is the point? We use this as a defense mechanism but one important factor to keep in mind is when trusting whether it be a new person or someone who has wrong you. Trust Is not like a Light Switch that can be turned on or off. It takes time and the willingness to slowly have the faith that trust will be establish after time.
Stop judging and classifying from what you have heard from others mouths for in my experience it the one who you think will do you over in the end's up being amazing. Trust takes time, learn to trust yourself and know that no matter how someone hurts you are strong and can handle any situation life throws at you. So live, love and trust.

Friday, April 9, 2010


A dream is series of thoughts, emotions, ideas, feelings, and/or events that occurs involuntarily in our minds. Other say a dream is a wish your heart makes. As children we are told that we can not only become but accomplish anything we put our minds too. Who defines our dream and when do we reach the point that realistic reality puts a hold on our dreams until the point where they are just a desire and no longer a plan of action?
One could say dreams are an act of faith, hope in the desire that with hard work and dedication the thing you want most is possible. Dreams for me is something not real but concept; like fairytale told to little children. I have long lost hope in the believe that dreams for me or others can come true. The truth is having a dream is scary its vulnerable. Believing and hoping with the chance of failing, being hurt or most of all showing your not good enough to make that dream come true. How is some have tried and tried and failed over and over but still have the faith and strength to reach for the stars?
I guess their comes a time in all of our life's where we must turn down that inner voice of failure. I know that voice is strong, and for to long its said the smart save road is to never try to ovoid pain. But the thing is we were designed for pain, our body's naturally recover. Sometimes we develop pain, wounds that are to deep to heal but its those events are what shape us and tell our story's. Life not about the perfect ride but taking those dreams, pains, wounds and learning and growing. For the first time in my life I'm going to belief in my self and dream. If fail I know its not a failure but a stepping stone. Showing that im vulnerable is scary to me but whats even scarier is thought of always taking the road traveled, not a pioneer of my own destiny. One, two, three the time has come im taking a step to the new me and living my dream!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Caving A True Testimony Builder

Alright what a crazy life we live in. I was invited to go on a caving trip down Smiths Crack (the name sounds bad lol) I was so excited to go I instantly invited a date to come. In my mind I pictured the cave like caves in norther cali big and wide with some tight craw spaces. I was so excited during the week, I was planning on showing this boy I like that I am a hard core girl! Aka not really! So I went out and bought underarm-er, head lights, powerades....etc. I felt totally prepared for the trip. The night before at a bon fire I ended up in a huge fight with my best friend. That night I was so upset I did not sleep when I answers my phone at 2am only to receive a call from the boy I was taking caving. He called with 101 lame reasons why he could not come. Side note,this Is why I hate guys sometimes I confirmed a week in advanced he had plenty of time to cancel before 2 am. But at least I found out early right? Any how I woke up in the mornings still upset on both accounts still determined to go and forget about my troubles. Only problem was when I got their it was coupled off great!!! On the arrival the cave we got out of the car only to say “ Where is the cave”? My friend replied “Your looking at it”. A tiny small cramped hole in the ground with a drop off. Now I was like I am staying in the car. The guys all were oh no you are not. I think they should of listened to me lol. Now anyone who knows me well knows how I panic when I'm scared. This honestly was the scariest, hardest thing I have ever done. The caved consisted of ten feet drops, scaling down ropes, pressuring up walls, crawling threw holes were I got so stuck I had to painfully pull my body threw. Sound fun? So the last haul of the trip, by this time I was starting to relax and have some fun. Until we hit this part of the cave that was about 40 feet up with no wall to push off of along with no hand holds to grab on to. Everyone headed up and was at the top when I was considering LIVING in the cave for the rest of my life. All of a sudden I hear a scream only to see a girl that was with us fall 30 feet and hit the ground....... I was so scared every possible thought of danger ran through my mind. This part of the cave a a very small strait opening with multiple ledges that some one surly would hit their head on the side. Angels were with us in the cave, she fell so perfect. We all stared in awww shock at how she fell so perfect. She did not break one bone, only cut her chin needing stitches with a slight concision. As we said a prayer the spirit in this dark dirty cave; with danger at every turn felt like thousands of lights filled the room I know the spirit was with us. I am thankful for having 3 priest hood members with us that were experienced enough to get all of us girls out safely with no harm. Note after she fell I had a panic attack when I was climbing up do to one boy saying “now be careful this is were she fell”. Did they have to say that? Lol I was shaking so bad I could not breath. Callie just moved up a few hard core notches! Thank fully we lived and had an amazing time squeezing threw the birth canal. I know feel like I have been reborn and with a new found knowledge that my savior truly does live. He loves all his children and is with them in every step of life!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Broken Promises

Once again the time has rolled around to valentines day. The wonderful day that consist of girl friends bonding together to help lift each others spirit's in the loneliness of this holiday. Their are those of us who mock this day with bitterness and pain. others who are in love and chose to spend this holiday with happiness gifts on feelings. I on the other had decided to stay optimistic and show all my friends happy positive thoughts with a good attitude. Yes I can pretend to be happy and joking but deep down in side the thoughts of one boy, one broken heart, one memories of past words, promises that were never fulfilled seem to stick around the back of my mind. Today I was determined not to let these thoughts or emotions control my life. I has been 2 years I need to move on...... SO I pushed through smiling and laughing. Until the end of the night when all is said and done it came time to face the box of letters. This box contains every memories, thoughts, promises, or hope that was let down. I began reading these memories to discover for the first time a new emotion. I am not writing this person segment of my life for pity; but to mark the day that I am able to over come my past feelings and finally move on. As I read and read, pains of sorrow and lost hopes no longer filled my heart but feeling of joy, and love over came me with the comfort of know that one time in my life someone truly did love me. This person was there when I needed them to help me develop the faith that it is possible to love and be loved. Loves is something I have always had a hard time believing in. I now can say that the pain gets less and less and one day I will have some that will love me for time and eternity..... but for now I am excited for the next heart break that will lead me one step closer to finding that one. :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

passing time

So it all started this week when I have been laying in bed sick with the flu. As the week went on boredom set in, and left me with my own memories. always a scary thought lol. But its funny I was looking over old pics and letters and myspace posts and it came to me how short life really is, and how fast time really does fly. I remember when I was little thinking about were I would be now and Im not anywhere close to where I thought I would be. But in some ways im much better off. for example I never thought I would be active in the church or live in boise id for that matter, but not knowing is kind of what makes life great.
Its so funny to look back a the little problems I had in the past and I just remember thinking my life could not go on lol. but I always pulled through and look back thinking man that was dumb. but I guess thats what happens when your a mellow dramatic person lol. the one thing about the past that does make me sad is the friendships that are made and lost. So my advice to you is take the little memories well you can, and try not to focus on the crisis and hand. Because I think its the little things stringed together that make up for all the pain feel.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

colgate country showdown

Alright once again I went for a shot at the colgate country showdown. This has been a crazy few week preparing for the showdown. I couldnt deside on the song till right before. I endend up changing my song three times, but in the end I went with settling. It wasnt worth all the stress I built up. I always freak out when it is not needed. I guess thats the life of a spazie lol. The comptetion was amazing. I dint make the top 5 like last year, but im ok with that now. I am just thankful I had my amazing family their to keep my calm. there tactics are to yell "callie stop it, your being silly" wich is very true, if you know me and the stuff that comes out of my mouth lol its kind of silly. But after we went as a family to ride rides and I won a fish, that I named heseckia. So i guess I cant say I dint win anything lol. We had to fight for my fish. Dang cheap carnies. The funniest and most horrible part of the night was jayden. My 18 month year old cousin, got ahold of the hand sanitizer that has 65% ach... so after calling, and making sure he was ok we had a drunk baby on are hands. Its was sad, but funny he had a really good night. As well as me all in all only being a fish winner. lol I must be really growing up I dont really seem to care about the little things in life as much as I used too. I am just happy My AMAZING family was their to support me like always. THANKS GUYS! P.s. im really sorry I dont know why but spell check never works on this, and spelling is not one of my gifts lol.
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Saturday, February 7, 2009


McCall what can I say? well I can start By saying that the day of the trip I completely did not want to go by any means, but in the end I am glad I went. Me and five of my friends stayed at my good freind grandparents cabin. All I can say about the trip is it was very interesting. Points of the trip 1. Being super annoyed with one of the guys due to some past drama. 2. kicking everyone's but at blined man's poker. 3. getting about 3 hours of sleep due to the fact that aj kept playing tricks to scary me all night. 4. Eating smore wallfuls. 5. watching the snow races. 6. being cold and whining about it. p.s. my spell check is not working so you will have to deal with the spelling skills aka no skills. But I came to the realization on this trip, people don't care.....they dont care if I am in a bad mood or tired. People dont care its not fair to bring everyone down just cuze I am in a bad mood so my new goal is to whine less becuze i do that a lot, and try to be more positive and focus less on the callie factor. I'm not actually sure how long this will last lol. But im giving it a shot.